“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson
Have you found yourself thinking about a goal you want to achieve, but you just can’t make yourself to take enough action to reach it? Fear of failure and/or rejection is common, but sometimes this is not the reason why we avoid taking action. Is it possible that what is really stopping you is fear of success?
Sometimes the path towards a particular goal is clear, and it might even look interesting, despite the presence of challenges. You have even taken some steps in the desired direction, and have achieved moderate results, but you just don’t get in the flow; you just can’t take the jump from “some action” to “passionate pursue”. This happens often with long-term goals that require taking action consistently for an extend the period of time in order to achieve the desired “end result”. Losing weight, career transitioning our getting out of debt are just a few examples.
What If… We Succeed?
Forget about what would happen if you fail. You are already not getting what you want, so it couldn’t be much worse. Yes, you could face rejection, but wouldn’t you rather face rejection than remain stuck in your present situation and never knowing if your plans to achieve that particular goal would have worked? In the long run, the latter will be much worse than the former.
So forget about failure, not because is not a possibility (It is, but is not the end of the world), but because it’s irrelevant at this point.
Now set aside 30 minutes to sit alone, with no distractions and just paper and pencil (or in front of a word processor, but without Internet connection!). And wonder:
What would happen if I succeed?
Leave out all the generic responses, like “If my business succeed, I will have a lot of money…” or “If I lose weight, I will be thin…). And to think about the side effects of your success. Make a list, as long as possible, and write down every single side effect that comes to mind. After a while, you will notice that the generic responses are left behind and you might start to think a little bit more critically.
[box]“If my business succeed, I will have to invest a lot of time on it… I wouldn’t be able to hire management for a couple of years, so I will have to do everything myself…”[/box]
[box]“If my business succeed I will be able to quit my job!… But what if it all goes away after a few years? I could be left with nothing, even if I succeed at first…”[/box]
[box]“If I lose weight, I will look thinner. People will notice and they will think I am materialistic person…”[/box]
[box]“If I lose weight, I better not get fat again. I will have to be on a diet forever…”[/box]
[box]“If I lose weight, I will not be able to use my weight as an excuse anymore…”[/box]
[box]“I want good grades, but then I will have to go to law school like dad/mom…”[/box]
[box]“Of course I want a family, but if I get pregnant, I would be stuck with him…”[/box]
[box]“Of course I want a family, but what if I am not a good mother/father?”[/box]
There are unexpected side effects of success that you may not be aware of consciously, but subconsciously, they can be enough to prevent you from taking committed action. We know that most of the time the road to a meaningful goal is not a bed of roses. We will have to face challenges and sometimes we ignore that subconsciously we are not willing to face some of the challenges we might encounter.
Debugging Phase
When we consciously identify the possible negative effects of our success, we must decide if the end results outweighs all the possible negative effects. If we choose to follow through, then we must neutralize the negative feelings that our fear of success has over us.
Neutralizing such negative feelings is like a programmer getting rid of bugs in a software.
The way to overcome this problem is to consciously think about what the negative effects of our success, and then debug every single one, one at the time. Uprooting a negative side effect could mean figuring out how to eliminate it completely, or it could mean just accepting it and learning to live with it.
Take a Closer Look
Fear of failure and rejection are common obstacles when working to achieve our goals, but what lies behind our fears could be more deep that the generalized fear of failure. Sometimes we sabotage our own dreams and goals, not because we fear failure, but because we fear success.
It’s certainly helpful to focus on the positive side of a goal. But don’t forget to take an occasional look to the dark side and accept that you’re going to have to deal with that too.
Fear has a tendency to shrink under direct examination, making it easier for you to take action. And unlike fear of failure and fear of rejection, fear of success can be far more insidious because it’s almost always unconscious.
[box]
If you liked this article, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section, or shoot me an email to jlara@thegoodvader.com if you are shy! I read and answer every email.
We can also connect through Twitter at @juls0013.
If you know someone who would enjoy this article, please feel free to share it via email or by clicking on the share buttons below.
Finally, don’t miss a single GoodVader update by subscribing to our newsletter in the following form:
[mc4wp_form]
[/box]
I really like this. I never really considered fear of success being a hindrance, but you definitely opened my mind to it. What I believe people are really fearful of is changing. Most people are happy with the way things are and don’t like change, but change is important. It leads to growth, knowledge, and much much more. There are negatives to change though, but what you ultimately need to decide is if the pros outweigh the cons.
hi. This is an area I find really fascinating and is massive! It’s a shocker when you start looking into it. Good to read your post – I liked your examples.
We need to turn our buts and what if’s to a positive. Turn those questions around. I have read some of your posts and I really enjoy following you. You have a lot of great information. You help people think outside the box. Thank you!
Thanks Lisa! I’m glad you like it.
Like always its that initial step, Its sometimes the most difficult to take because if the uncertainty. Great post I regularly need to be reminded. Thanks again
I agree with Euan, I think that a fear of success is really a fear of change. I like your tip for analysing what the success would mean. There are probably some surprising insights to be gained from the exercise.
I particularly agree with your closing statement about fear and examination. When left to rattle around in our brains, fear grows because it is not real. Fear is an unpleasant emotion created by our brain about something that has not and may not ever happen! If you take them out of your brain and put them on paper they usually look much less significant. Thanks for getting us all thinking!
This post really helped me today. I recently landed my dream job and found myself feeling a little intimidated of the new position. However, your thoughts in this post gave me a new perspective. Thanks.
Great post! I’ve actually been struggling with this for a little while now. I definitely know what I need to do to succeed in living out my passions (I already am but want to push it further) and I’m super stoked but for some reason I never put in as much effort as I should/could be day to day. It’s funny how discussions like these come when you most need them. Thank you so much for sharing and I’ll be taking my 30 minutes to do the activity tomorrow!
-K