[Social] Contact Vs. [Emotional] Connection

Human relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. Whether we are introverts, extroverts, or something in between, we all crave for some kind of connection with other human beings.

For most people the chances to connect with other individuals are relatively abundant. We are in contact with our parents, siblings and family in general. We are also in contact with others at school and at work.
So for most people, the supply of opportunities to connect is not a problem. Then why  human connection is so rare?

Contact is not Connection

To be in contact with somebody is the ability or possibility to reach out to that person and communicate a message effectively. The beliefs, points of view of any kind, or personal emotional circumstances of the individuals in communication are not relevant and the contract does not involve an emotional interaction of any kind. But to truly connect with another human being involves the creation of an emotional link between them that usually born (but not always) out of similar beliefs or because they share a particular characteristic.

Nowadays we are used to be in contact with others all the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME. We have the possibility to contact our friends and our family 24 hours and 7 days a week. They are a text message away. It would take just a few seconds to reach to them and communicate a message. The same way, we know we can be reached at any time.

But we have confused contact with connection, and the possibility to be contacted does not feel the same way that the true connection between two or more human beings feels like.

Knowing that we could be reached by our 4789 Facebook “friends” or our 589 WhatsApp contacts, but are actually contacted by a few, can make us feel empty, underappreciated or simply out-of-place regarding our social environment. With this comes the idea that there must be something wrong with us and that we have to change the way we look, the way we dress, the way we behave or even the way we think.

When was the last time you chatted with an acquaintance about her beliefs regarding life and death? Chances are that you have never done such thing, and in the cases when you have discussed emotional engaging subjects by email or chat was because you already knew the person with whom you were chatting or you had reasons to believe a true connection was possible.

We have confused the concepts of contact and connection to the point we can hardly set them apart in our minds, but the emotional effects of such confusion are highly damaging to our well-being.

Futuristic Love?

Being in contact does not mean being connected and connection usually required first hand face-to-face human interaction. I have seen occasions where have been possible to reach a place of true emotional connection with another individual without true face to face interaction, but this is the exception and not the rule.

But the real problem lies in the fact we have got used to the immediate effects of connection. We now need a quick response to our messages, but we have also become dependent on the ability to think through our responses for as long as we need. Don’t get me wrong, I encourage highly thinking your responses in real conversation, but when there is a mutual desire between two people to connect, chances the conversation will come out spontaneously and effortlessly.

We have replaced connection by connectedness even in our day-to-day interaction and we are more connected than ever; however, emotionally know this is not enough and failing to consciously acknowledge this can leave us feeling empty even when we are surrounded by people.

The connection cannot be replaced by everlasting connectedness.

Connect Consciously

The next time you have a conversation with a person important to you, don’t look for contact, but try to actually connect with that person. Don’t just focus on information or data (what they are actually saying), but try to go deeper and take into account the way they are saying it, what you believe they intent to communicate, how they feel and how you feel about it. Let them know that you have a genuine intention to understand them and to create a true link between you two.

The best thing about true connection is that it goes both ways: Others will feel closer to you and you will also feel closer to the ones around you.

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