Do Not Jump Out of Your Comfort Zone, Just Move It Along

Apparently the dreadful comfort zone has become an enemy of personal development.

It is true that there are some benefits from exposing ourselves to new and unknown scenarios, but is not as simple as go out and get lost in an unknown neighborhood. If we are silly about this cold shower approach, we can lose way more than what we can win. Besides, is not a very smart approach anyway.

Some time ago I was a comfort zone junkie. I avoided at any cost anything new and when I was unable to avoid those situations, I felt a great deal of stress and anxiety.

When I searched for a solution everything a read about it was pretty much the same: “Jump out of it” was the most common advice. “It is going to hurt, but just for a second and then you will be free” It was an almost unanimous opinion, so I followed it.

10,000 Band Aids

Unfortunately, when I did pull out the band-aid, I found that my rate of success changing my habits in order to get out of the comfort zone were very low. After a few days or weeks my habits got back to the conservatism of the comfort zone and I was back where I started. So I had to pull the band-aid again, and again and again, until the new experienced became the status quo and I could finally consider myself out of the comfort zone.

Sooner or later the cold shower approach works, I know it from experience. The problem with it is that it might take a long time to finally replace the habits and behavior that dragged you back to the comfort zone. So even in the cases you actually get out, you might find yourself back where you started in no time. And then, start over again. It works, but is not smart, especially when you wish to change a significant part of your life, not only a small aspect.

I believe to be much more productive to see the comfort zone as a good thing. I feel good doing what I do, I am good at it and I feel comfortable, how can this be a bad thing? Well, it might foster mediocrity, for instance. You do not grow if you do not seek improvement.

So seek improvement, but do it in a smart way. To jump out of the comfort zone just for the sake of personal development without a plan it’s like quitting your job without knowing what you want to do with your life. It might turn out great a few years later, but it is dumb, it is counter-productive and it is not necessary.

Ready, Aim, Fire, Repeat

Planning is popular for a reason: it works. Of course, there are scenarios where immediate action needs to be taken without thinking about the possible negative consequences, like living with an abusing partner that is a threat to your safety, or when the integrity or the life of another person is on the line.

But for common problem in daily life, there is hardly a reason for thoughtless action.

Some people prefer the cold shower approach and jumping out of the comfort zone to seek growth and this might work in the long run, but I prefer a good competent plan of action and when executed correctly works wonderfully.

So let’s say you are shy and you want to be a more social person. You might go and sign yourself in a speed dating night or crash into a party where you know no one. Chances are it’s going to be awkward and you probably will not succeed the first time. If you keep trying hard, time after time, you will eventually get out of your comfort zone, but there is a chance that you will feel so bad after the first time that you will not even try it again in a long time.

So why not better just make a well thought plan and execute it? Set a time frame and a finish line.  Let’s say 10 friends in six months. Then, set some steps to get there.

Start Small

The first thing is building confidence. Making one or two conversations everyday with people you know, but to whom you don’t usually approach: A neighbor, your teachers or the lady in the cafeteria. Some things that feel a little off, but if it goes wrong it won’t feel so bad. Then say “Hi” every day to a person in class or at work that you do not currently know and may be later start a brief conversation.  Step by step you will improve your social skills.

After six months of small controlled steps you will not feel any different. You will still feel in your comfort zone, but if your plan was executed successfully, you will look around you and will be amazed to realize that you got to the finish line and didn’t even notice it. You will feel comfortable with your new social habits because you did not jump out of the comfort zone; you move it along in the direction of your goals.

This approach works in any area really: exercise, improving your social skills, overcoming fears, improving your knowledge about any given subject or job.

I invite you to try out and let me know how it goes!