How to Deal with Self-Doubt: 5 Proven Methods

 

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” – Suzy Kassem

Self-doubt is the lack of confidence in one’s own motives or abilities. Learning how to deal with self-doubt in an efficient manner is not only healthy, but it is required if we want to achieve something meaningful in life.

We all have self-doubts, even those who claim or seem like they don’t. So, the first thing before we tackle self-doubt is to understand that this is a common issue and we all can fall prey of doubting our own abilities or adequacy.

The goal we must aim is not getting rid of self-doubt completely, but learning to deal with it in a healthy way. Otherwise, self-doubt can become a great obstacle between our ambitions and ourselves, preventing us from achieving our goals.

 

Our Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes the voices in our head seem cleverer than us. But their reasoning to discourage us from pursuing a particular dream or goal usually gravitates around the same excuses: we are not strong enough, we are not smart enough, or simply we are not good enough. Sometimes the words change: we don’t deserve it or we don’t have the resources and there’s no way we could get them (remember we are not good enough).

The word choice is not that important. What really matters is being able to recognize when we are sabotaging ourselves; when we are tricking ourselves into believing we are incapable of doing the things that need to be done in order to achieve our dreams.

If we do not address self-doubt on time, it can become a very serious problem over time. Chronic self-doubt may lead to the deterioration of our mental health and turn into anxiety or depression.

Self-doubt must be taken seriously, not only by becoming aware of its destructive nature, but by finding the most efficient ways to counter its effects.

 

Blame it on the Sun

One of the main reasons we doubt ourselves is by remembering and reliving previous failures.

If we struggled in a particular area of our life, we automatically believe we are just not good enough in that area.

If we struggled through college, we conclude we are not smart enough. If our work performance was below optimal, we conclude we are not good enough for the job. If a previous romantic relationship has failed, sometimes we conclude we were not good enough.

When we face failure, we rush to blame it on ourselves and we rarely make a logic judgment based on reasoning and facts.

Maybe we struggled through college because we did not prioritize our education at the time. We might have failed not because we were not smart enough, but simply because we were immature and reckless.

Our work performance might not be optimal due to the fact that we were not fulfilled by our position, by the work we were responsible for, by our employer, or because the very self-doubts we had about our ability to perform our job was sabotaging our performance. The fact that we were not doing our best doesn’t mean that “best” wasn’t there, waiting to be tapped into and set free.

Previous romantic relationship might have been a failure due to the fact that we were not compatible with our partners, or maybe we were not ready for that particular type relationship. Even in cases when the end of the relationship was our fault, this doesn’t mean it has to be the same way every time. As long as we learn from our experiences and mistakes, we grow and we evolve as human beings.

We are not bound by our past. We are no defined by what we have achieved or failed to achieve. Past mistakes are lessons to be learned, not life sentences.

 

How to Deal with Self-Doubt

Just like courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to take action despite its presence, overcoming self-doubt is not getting rid of it, but being able to act despite it’s company.

I’m not encouraging you to pursue getting rid of self-doubt completely. I don’t think that’s possible. But I do encourage you to do your best in order to get the doubts you have about yourself and your abilities under control, so much that you can challenge them.

Some of the things that have helped me in with this are:

 

Acceptance

The first step to overcoming self-doubt is to accept it is there. We often seek ways to rationalize self-doubt to the point it looks like solid, factual evidence. We do things in order to find closure to the endless debate within our minds about if we can or cannot do, be or have the things we dream.

 

[box]“If you argue for our limitations, you get to keep them”.[/box]

 

The truth is that when we rationalize our insecurities all we are doing is choosing the less favorable path (sometimes confused with the safest one, which is not always the case). Get used to acknowledge self-doubt by what it is: an internal struggle between taking the risk of following our dreams or stay in the comfort of [an apparent] safety.

 

Knowledge is Bliss

Trace back in time the reason that might have triggered the self-doubt thoughts within your mind. More often than not, self-doubt is rooted in past events, usually events we perceived as failure.

When you come to an understanding about the reasons behind your self-doubts, becomes way easier to find ways to overcome it.

Once you find the root of your self-doubts, counter it by listing all the times you succeeded on similar events or situations. If, for example, you believe the root of your self-doubts about your intellectual or academic abilities are rooted in your failures as a student, make a list of all the scenarios or events where you have shown an above average intellectual ability outside the standard education system.

You might have failed math, but have shown mad coordination and strategic skills while playing League of Legend.

Don’t be so quick to draw negative conclusions about your capacity and abilities.

 

Advocate for You

Go back to all those events or circumstances that have become the base of your self-doubt and list them in a piece of paper or in a word processor. Next to every event, make a list of all the reasons you think might have led to your failure.

Be critical and objective about it. List only actual, logical reasons. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” are not good enough. The reasons might vary, but while doing this you are trying to find things to improve, it might look something like: “I did not worked hard enough”; “I was not strategic about my approach”; “I was not passionate about it” or “I was not aligned with my sense of purpose”.

By doing this we can come to an understanding about the reasons of our failures. The point of this is not to justify ourselves, such failures might very well be our own fault, but to understand and acknowledge that the reason which lead to our failures were actual choices [or the absence of the right choices] made by ourselves and not the we are not good enough.

 

Journaling

I have argued for the benefits of journaling for a long time. It allows me to get things out of my head and for some unknown reason, once I do so, it helps me break negative patterns of thought.

But when it comes to self-doubt, journaling posses an additional benefit. After we have manage to make journaling a steady habit, we can go back to our previous successes and relive them when needed.

We often remember more vividly our failures than our successes. The negative experiences we live seems to sink deeper into our minds than the positive, happy moments.

By making journaling a habit, we can not only get ride of those negative thoughts stuck in our heads, but we are also able to documenting our successes and happy moments and to see a glimpse of those moments every time we come back to them.

You can do your journaling in a notebook, in a word processor or use an app for this. I tried to stick to journaling for a long time, but only was able to do so when I discovered the Day One app. Personally, I believe is the best app out there for this purpose.

 

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

Documenting our successes, whether the big or small ones, is a good start, but we can have to go further if we want to keep self-doubt at bay.

It’s important to celebrate each one of those successes. Like I said before, our positive achievements or happy moments tend to become blurred quickly, so we must do all we have to make it count.

Our celebration doesn’t have to be a Gatsby-style-all-night-party; something simple, yet different or special does the trick.

Something like a cheat meal, a day off or going out to a different or new restaurant with our loved ones is enough to make an impression within ourselves and remember those good moments for a long time.

 

In order to deal with self-doubt efficiently, we must acknowledge that we will never get rid of it completely, but we must learn how to handle it in an efficient way; otherwise, it can become the biggest obstacle in building a fulfilling life.

If you have any technic to handle self-doubt or have applied the above mentioned ones, please don’t be shy and share your knowledge with us!

 

You Might Also Like

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like How to Overcome Anxiety and Regain Control, When Imagination Becomes the Enemy and 3 Lies You Tell Yourself to Avoid Taking Action. Check them out and let me know what you think!

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